S - Break-Up or Breakthrough?

I leave for Texas tomorrow for the holiday, and I have a ton of crap to do, but you need to know what happened on date #4.

I messed up. I honestly thought I had invited Todd to a Christmas party, but I had actually invited him to a Christmas party/show, and I was performing. This is true. As I was getting ready, Paul was online and shouted back to me, "Do you realize that the party is a show, and you're on it?" Oops. So now Todd has to watch me perform when I'm rusty as fuck, and we have to watch others. Not my ideal 4th date.

Todd, Paul, and I took an Uber to the theater. Our driver was a sun gazer. I had never heard of such a practice, so I was intrigued. You could hear Paul and Todd's eyes rolling the whole time.

The festivities start as soon as we land. I introduce Todd to my comedy friends and family. The show starts. It's fine. I go. I'm fine, thankfully. And then it got a little weird with some homophobic/racist "alternative"comedy. I was mortified and uncomfortable as were Todd and Paul. Ahh, showbiz! So glamourous.

We Uber home, and Paul is in a state. He's going through a "thing." It's normal for the artistic type. I guess it's normal for us all, but he a had a few choice words to say about comedy, Los Angeles, dating, and life in general. The whole night had a weird feel to it. I tried to lighten the mood by changing the subject and suggesting we order a pizza.

I was worried that Todd would be turned off by all of this. Comedy is a seedy scene, and he saw a bit of it's tarnished interior, and I was a part of it. I apologized more than once but also knew that if this scares him off, it's better to figure this out now.

The rest of the night was actually quite delightful. We ate (with Paul), laughed (with Paul), and made out (not with Paul). The next morning, Todd assured me once again that it was all good, so I'm choosing to believe him. We have plans to see each other tonight before I get out of here. I'll let you know if he answers my texts.

On a different note, I really want to find Paul a guy. It doesn't have to be THE GUY, but Paul needs someone to have fun with that makes him feel as special as he is. I have some work to do in 2015.

S - Comfy Mode

Date 3 with Todd happened Wednesday night. I had to go to his side of town (which isn't REALLY LA in my opinion, and SUPER vanilla, but that's OK-ish) because he has ventured out my way thus far. It's only fair.

It was our first official "TV night." Those are my favorites. You don't have to wear make-up, glasses are appropriate, and you can drink copious amounts of wine. We started the Black Mirror series on Netflix. I highly recommend it. The first episode is dumb, but hang in there. The second ep makes up for it.

We didn't get past episode 2 because we decided to make out, watch YouTube videos, and eat cheese (in that order). I'm seeing him again tonight. Paul and I have a comedy Christmas party thingy that we must attend, and I asked Todd to join. I know Paul feels like a third wheel, but he shouldn't because I love him, and he makes Todd laugh. To be frank, what is Todd contributing to this relationship? He hasn't set Paul up yet, so maybe it's Todd that's the third wheel. Has anyone thought about that?

The holidays are upon us, so I'm guessing that the dating front will slow down. Maybe Paul will meet a very white European person when he's abroad, but it will probably be radio silence while I'm in Texas for the holiday season. I'll be watching reality TV with my parents.

But I'd like to point out that, yes, I am officially winning this race. I've been in a monogamous relationship for a whole week and 2 days. God, I'm so old-fashioned.

P- All I Want for Christmas...

Guys, this is getting ridiculous. Shelby is getting all the glory here and I'm getting...a rock!

I had a potential OKCupid match up that seemed to be going well and then kind of dropped off. I didn't mention it to you guys because I didn't want to get your hopes up...

Now, I realize that it's the holiday season. As I mentioned before, I realize that this is not the most opportune time to look for love- or maybe it's the perfect time...I just re-watched "Love Actually," for the 782nd time the other day... it does happen!  Does anyone know a Prime Minister?

Either way, I'm coming up empty handed. I'm starting to feel like I'm always going to be the funny friend/third wheel! I'm like a Lancôme giveaway! A gift with purchase!

Here's what I need- I NEED YOU! Don't be an Amy and lead me down a path to nowhere... I simply can't handle it. My nerves are already shot. Reach into your pool of gays, pick out the best ones and set me up!

I'm going to Sweden for the holidays. There is always the possibility that I'll be in some charming café and some handsome stranger will bump into my chair, causing me to spill my latté all over my lap. We'll go back to his place so that I can change into a pair of pants that he'll let me borrow that he'll never get back. We'll fall in love and suddenly, I'll be speaking Swedish, living in an Ikea in Stockholm half the year and receiving free health care... I'll keep you posted. 

But, until that time, friends, you've got work to do!

S - Performance Art and Pseudonyms

I've been avoiding this post. Before I explain why, here's an abridged version of my Saturday night date with Crysler, whom we'll be renaming Todd (explanation ahead).

On our first date, Crysler/Todd  mentioned that a "visual artist, musician, composer playwright" named Geneva Jacuzzi was having a show on Saturday. At this point of the date, I had realized that I'd like to spend more time with this fellow, so I mentioned I'd be interested in checking it out. The die had been cast. Although happy for me, Paul did give me a little bit of a hard time for acquiring a second date. He proceeded to call Chrysler, Todd (which is not his real name), and I thought it was hilarious. 

Todd picks me up a little early. We go to a bar down the street from the concert venue. He asks about Paul, because he met Paul during our first date, but calls him Andy. This is awesome. To me at least.

We arrive at the concert stupid early and begin imbibing. He's easy to talk to, so I'm having a great time. The first band is fun. Geneva is next, and she's wild. Seriously, check her out.

We're laughing, drinking, an embrace here and there, everything is great. We decide to take off after Geneva and go back to my place. Paul/Andy is up, so we continue the festivities with him. More laughing and drinking, an embrace here and there...

Now it's time to tell you why I've been avoiding this post. I truly didn't think I would find anyone, especially this early in the game, whose company I'd actually enjoy. I feel a little protective of Todd, and myself, to be honest. I told him that this was the first time I've regretted having anything on the Internet. I want us to get to know each other without all of that crap. He said that although he checked out the blog at the beginning, he is not actively reading it, but who knows if that will last. The point is, I want to respect our privacy, but I also want to write an enjoyable piece. I think everyone is going to have to trust me on this one.

The night ended in PG-13 romance. And maybe we got a breakfast sandwich. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING!

We plan to see each other again this week, but there could be a zombie apocalypse, an ice storm, or a change of heart from either party, I suppose. Life is so uncertain.

I haven't forgotten about Paul. Todd still mentions his neighbor but is not sure if he's single or not. He should be doing reconnaissance at this very moment. And so we wait...

P- Another night....

So... I don't want to spoil details- especially since I don't know the details... but Shelby had a second date tonight with her Prince Charming... (I'm sure she'll update)... I met him a few nights ago, and he was really nice! But tonight, I made him a grilled cheese sandwich.  If I cook for someone, it's a tell-tail.

They had their rendezvous and back to our place to hang out a bit. I was hungry. I cooked. I offered to make them a sandwich. I added tomato and avocado...Safe to say, we're best friends.

 I'm worried that my chances to win this race are slowing... I mean, Shelby has had two good dates; I've had a 'date not date' with someone and no prospects on the horizon... Even if her second date goes nowhere, she's already inching ahead...and her beau has a gay friend that he wants to set me up with... However, he has a mythical name (I'll tell you later) and I'm also wondering if this is a case of- "I know a gay guy, you're gay, I should set you up". It happens way too often...

paul@theamatingrace.com

S- Everything's Coming Up Stockton

OMG you guys, I'M ENGAGED! We've decided on a spring wedding, and I'm thinking cocktail length dress. Unconventional, I know, but I have to flaunt these legs while they're in their prime.

Obviously, I'm being hyperbolic, but I had fun last night. Friend's husband did a great job. He should open a matchmaking service, and call it "You'll At Least Have Fun On Your First Date Dating Service."

Here are the CliffsNotes of how it went down: I was running late, and he was cool about it. Witty banter texting the whole time. We're pretty hilarious. I finally get to the restaurant. Against my 5'2" stature, he's the Chrysler Building. This doesn't intimidate me in the least. We eat, we laugh, we talk about premeditated murder, the usual.  We decide to grab another drink(s) at a bar down the street. This is where we discuss Adam Ant's amazing catalogue of work, how kickboxing can make a person overly aggressive in real life, and San Francisco. Basic first date stuff, people. It's nobody's business how we parted ways, but everyone still respects everyone, and all is well.

Does he have a cute smile? Yes. Is he easy to talk to? Yes. Do I want to be cryptic, so I don't tip my hand this early? Yes. The bottom line is, I'd love to see him again, we discussed seeing each other again, we'll see what happens. Life is weird. But yes, today I'm winning the race. #TeamShelby

In other news, my current suitor (Let's call him Chrysler because he's a building) may have a set-up for Paul, but I'm claiming him. Do you see what's happening here? I'm DOUBLE winning. I don't like to brag, but I have to in this situation. It's the American thing to do.

P- Nancy Drew and the Case of the Date-not-Date

So guys, tonight was my date! Because I'm one to (respectfully yet honestly) dish a little bit, here are the details:

We made plans to meet around 845. I was tutoring on the other side of the city and was called into an impromptu "parent meeting" after the session ended at 815. I didn't end up leaving until 830. I sent the guy- let's call him Party Date, since we met at a party- a text and said that I was running late and that he shouldn't rush to get there.

Of course, low and behold, what Google Maps told me was going to be a 42 minute drive turned into a 26 minute drive and as I was approaching the restaurant, Party sent me a text that asked, "should I start driving?" Needless to say, I was already seated, first glass of Chardonnay in hand, when he arrived about 25 minutes later. Normally, I'm a stickler for promptness, but because I had rearranged the timing, I wasn't mad in the least and actually spent the downtime reading up on the Muslim Brotherhood for a lesson I'm teaching tomorrow. Gotta stay sharp. Plus, it's an interesting bunch to investigate....

So, Party arrived, apologized for being late, (which I, of course, excused) and we decided on some noshes and he ordered a drink. As we waited for the oysters to arrive for the first course, we had some nice, "getting to know you" conversation. I tend to talk a lot, so I assume that I monopolized the chat a little bit. But, being self-aware, I made sure to ask him questions. Normally, if I'm bored, I don't even bother, I just keep talking because I know that anything that I'm about to say is going to interest me far more than some drivel that I don't care about. But, he's well spoken and intelligent and telling me things about his life that are interesting. So, I'm intrigued. I'm thinking- "Wow, this is going pretty well!" After all, we only met at a party where we'd both been drinking and didn't really talk that much. We'd exchanged a Facebook message and a few texts, but that's it. (I didn't tell you that before, but, you're welcome.) I'm thinking, "This is a guy I would totally be into getting to know more".

We finished the oysters and started on the main course and the conversation stopped for a minute. As we spooned poutine onto our plates (because we shared dishes, we're not savages) he said, "So, I should tell you something..." which, as we know, is never a good sign.

I'm wasn't what he was going to say, because I had no reason to think one way or another, unless he'd said, "YOU TALK TOO MUCH!" But, instead, he proceeded to tell me that he is in a long distance relationship. The details of such matters don't really matter for the blog purposes. After he told me what was going on, he said, "And then I read your blog post, so I wanted to make sure everything was out there.... You're a good writer". I answered, "I know," (because I am a good writer) and followed up with, "We have another reader!!".... But seriously,  what does one say after such a reveal?

I wasn't mad. Had we been on a 17th date and I heard this, I'd have been none-too-pleased. But, we were having dinner for the first time. And, I actually really appreciated the open-ness and honest-ness. Our conversation continued and we discussed his situation and I gave a few antidotes from my own experiences. After a bit more talking, I told him, "You know that I'm going to write about this..." and he said, "Really??" I reassured him that, yes, I was going to write about the night; because it's part of the deal here, but not in a negative way- because there was no negative. I actually had a good time.

I had a nice dinner with a really nice guy, who has a boyfriend. It was a date-not-date. And I'm OK with that. It's always nice to connect with a new person- especially as a gay in LA. I don't have a lot of gay friends here, so spending time with someone where I actually don't wish to gain back my timea afterward, is a great thing. My interest in him was definitely increased after spending some one-on-one time together. I'm totally up for hanging out again.

But, in the end, no bachelor got a rose from the bachelor....Turns out, the idea of "hanging out," actually meant "hanging out"! You crafty gays...

In the meantime, the AmatingRace continues... I'm back to square one... Do I need to check-in with the Amy's again?

S- Wednesday = New Date Night

Hello voyeurs! Everything is hectic. It's the holiday season, I'm buying a new car, and I think I have a cavity. Why is life so HARD????

But the good news is this: Paul and I have dates tonight. Both of us.

To get the boring stuff out of the way, Hinge is on-going but has lost its luster. I'm matched with over 20 guys but am only corresponding with a third of them, and that correspondence is sporadic, at best. There are a few men that ask me out, but the back and forth is so slow that things come up, and it just doesn't happen. Oh wait, I have tentative plans with one gentleman tomorrow night, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

About the date tonight... One of my bestie's husbands had to do some favor for a friend. She has a place here but now lives in NoCal, so he had to go by her place... It really doesn't matter, but he met one of her neighbors. I man. He said he got a "good vibe" from the guy, so he asked if he was single. The man said yes, so my friend's husband then told him to check out the blog and if he was interested, husband would set us up. This brave soul of a man said that he would be interested in going out with a woman who is currently writing about her love life. Brave or crazy? I don't know, but I'll find out tonight. We're meeting for Vietnamese food. I already looked at the menu online.

Now, friend's husband does not know this man AT ALL, so if the guy is nuts, we can't blame the husband. That's already been established, but what I think is so cool is that this opportunity would not have even happened if Paul and I hadn't started The Amating Race. I'll also have you know that now I'm even in the setting up spirit. My dental hygienist is adorable and single, so I'm setting her up with a friend of mine who is also adorable and single. (I'm not dating him because we already tried it and prefer being friends.) Would I have thought of it if this blog was not happening? I don't know, but I'd like to think that this blog has magic powers. It's a love pusher!

I'm thinking of having the vegetable pho tonight. I'll report back later.

P- If you want something done...

Oh hey there...yeah, it's me, Paul... Remember me?

Sorry, I haven't updated since the beginning. I hope you don't think that this is a sign of my level of commitment. It isn't. (For the most part). I do start many projects that I never finish or that I lose interest in or something else comes up that takes my time away... Remember that play I was writing based on the music of Cyndi Lauper? It's still gonna happen, I promise. 

But, because nothing had really happened so far that pertained to this whole endeavor, I didn't see the need to bore you with my mundane coming and goings. 

Thing is- a friend of mine and Shelby's- who shall remain nameless until I add her name later- was on Team Paul right away. She sent me a list of possible suitors that she had in mind and told me to let her know which I thought I might like to be set up with. Truth is, I wasn't really into any of them. It wasn't me being too picky, it was just me being honest with myself. Part of this process, for me anyway, is weeding people out. Not in a negative way, but just being realistic and saying, "this person is not for me". In the past, I've gone out with guys who I knew right away nothing major was ever going to happen, but I thought that maybe if I was patient or whatever, my feelings would shift. Let's call a spade a spade- they never do. 

I let the ball drop, or, rather, just didn't bring it up again to her. Then randomly, I was at work, and I got a text from with two guys' names in it. "Check these two out, they may be good!". I rushed to Facebook to stalk away, as one does, and the first one was cute! But as I read his postings, mostly about disagreements with his landlord and other tenants in his building, I was kind of turned off. It just seemed like unnecessary drama and I had a bad feeling about it. The second guy was adorable. Somewhat bicoastal, educated, seemingly funny, and he came with a good recommendation. I texted Amy back (see- I told you I'd give her name) and said- Let's Do This! She gave him my name and profile info, etc and told him to check it out. 

Well, two weeks have gone by and when I saw Amy on Sunday, I inquired. She told me she hadn't heard from him. I, jokingly, said, "if he thinks I'm gross, that's ok". She assured me that this wasn't the case and if it had been, she would've said, "He thinks you're gross". She totally would have, too. 

Now, another friend, also named Amy, had a guy she wanted to set me up with. Info was exchanged, via Amy, and he was into it. However, he's out of town until after Christmas. I mean, admittedly, we did kind of pick a shitty time to start this project.

Saturday night, Shelby and I went to a holiday party. Laughs and merriment were had by all. I'll spare you the details of the party, but the point of me mentioning it- I got a date out of it. On my own. With no help from anyone named Amy.

Stay tuned....

S- All About Hinge

I am always reluctant to online date because I find it to be depressing. Unfortunately, all of my potential set-ups are moving at the speed of a dead person, so I have to do something. Enter Hinge.

Hinge is a dating app. Much like Tinder, you are matched with dudes (or ladies) that are gathered from your friends' Facebook friends. For a hot second, I did Tinder. It's essentially a Hot-Or-Not game with a side of dick pics. I didn't like it, so I assumed the same would hold true for Hinge.

I joined the app on Monday. By sundown, I had list of potential suitors and zero communication. Boring. The next day, my list grew, and one man finally wrote, "Hi." I replied, "Hello there." Nothing. Yawn. The next day, my matches grow, but my interest wanes. Still no reply from Hi guy. The day after that, I decided to write again to Hi guy and say, "It was great getting to know you." I decide shortly after this that I'm going to lose this ridiculous app. It's taking up space on my awesome iPhone 4s. Before I do, Hi guy responds.

We go back and forth about nothing in particular and try to fit in a date that night, but logistically it just can't happen. While this is going on, more men start to message me, and now I have like 5 boyfriends. FIVE! I am an official Hinge advocate.

Now we all know that the true litmus test will be if I actually meet one of these guys face-to-face, and if that happens, what will go down? It gives me a small sense of relief that I share mutual Facebook friends with these fellas. That way, if any of them chop me up and put me in their freezer, they're sure to lose a few followers.

Some more interesting news is that one of my closest friends has 2 guys she wants to set me up with, and she's pretty sure I'm not going to fall in love with either one of them. This is really exciting.

S- Starting With a Whimper

When I did 30dates30blogs*, I had the pleasure of dating at my leisure, but The AMATING Race is a different beast.  Paul is already ahead by a nose for a couple of reasons.  First, he already has an online dating presence.  I have yet to set up another profile because kill me.  Also, apparently people prefer to set up gay men than straight women.  I have a bone to pick with some of my friends.  I specifically said that I would be the conduit for setting up Paul, but everyone just bypassed me and immediately sent him profile pics of potential boyfriends. That makes me feel like this:

But I can't complain too much. If I want to win, I have to get myself out there. I have been semi-aggressive with hassling my friends. I currently have 2 friends who want to set me up. It has been rumored that one of these men may or may not sleep on a mattress on the floor, but we can no longer be picky.

I have also been informed by another friend about some app called Hinge. I guess it's Tinder with a scosche less gross? I cannot confirm or deny this at the moment. I will, however, download it immediately and report back with my findings.

*I'm beginning to think it's a bit pathetic that I am on dating blog #2 in 1 lifetime.