Friday, November 14, 2014

Je m'appelle Paul

Hi Friends:

As a mid 30 year old gay man (I’m 34) living in a city that is chalk full of gay men (so many gay men), I’m frustrated. I live in a great house in a great area of Los Angeles with a great roommate, (Shelby). While I’m completely happy and grateful to be fortunate enough to live with someone whom I get along with, love spending most of my time with and genuinely enjoy being around, I can’t help but feel that something is missing. Don’t get me wrong- I love coming home after a day of work and putting on comfy clothes, swapping my contacts for my glasses, pouring a glass or two of wine and watching a Hulu episode of “The Walking Dead,” or “American Horror Story,” or some random documentary. But… after the Apple TV has been turned off, the cheese and crackers have been put away and the lights go out, I’d love nothing more than to make my way to my bedroom with someone who had not only enjoyed the night’s events, but who wants to get into my bed to chat a little bit about nothing until we drift off to slumber…only to turn over too aggressively, wake me up as he makes his way to the bathroom at 3:00 am and crawls back into bed unaware that I’ve even been disturbed…Winter has begun to set upon us in the City of Angels and my bed isn’t getting any warmer on it’s own in this little Craftsman-style home….

I’ve dated. A lot. I’ve been in love a few times. I’ve lost in love a lot of times. I’ve met great people and I’ve met not so great people. I’ve lived and learned and I’ve had a lot of fun. But, I’m ready for all of this to morph into something…more. 

I’m not your stereotypical “gay man in L.A.”. Don’t get me wrong- I’m attractive enough.  I’m educated and I’m smart- remember, being educated and being smart are not the same thing. Luckily, I’m both… I’m charismatic and confident, yet humble enough to know my place. I’m a good guy. But, in a city like Los Angeles, it seems that I’m a little off the beaten path. I rarely work out- when I get home at 9pm, the last thing on my mind is stopping by LA Fitness to get in a 45 minute cardio and 30 minute weight training. This is not to say that I don’t take care of myself- I do! What I lack in work out time, I make up for in eating right and being conscious as to the culinary decisions that I make. I’m less interested in someone’s muscle tone than I am their mind. Don’t get me wrong- a nice, hard body is a very welcome thing, but it’s not a requirement. I’m not made of marble- why should I expect you to be?I also don’t “go out” often. This isn’t to say that I don’t go out at all- I do. But, I’d much rather have a great dinner or have people over for good wine and food. I lived my twenties in New York City, twenty pounds lighter, ten years younger, going out every night. I spent way too many a night dancing on a speaker in a shirt that was too tight, yet displayed my assets (a young, firm, thin, think body) at a club that I didn’t wait in line to get into because I knew the Drag Queen at the door. I did it. I loved it. I’m over it. 

At this point in the game, I’m ready for something real. As cliche as it sounds, I’m ready to find the yin to my yang. I know who I am (or who I am at this point in time). I know what I want in a partner (or, at least I think I do). I’d like the make the move to something that builds. I’d like to find someone who is in the same mindset. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that finding “that one” isn’t a guarantee. It might not happen for everyone. I’m OK with that. Finding love isn’t something that I “need,” as it may have been in my 20’s… rather, it’s something that I “want”.

So, bring on the hunt! As you see, Shelby has already pretty much outlined the rules- though, there really aren’t any. Basically- first one to find love wins (that love has to last at least 6 months, though). OR, if I set Shelby up and it works, then I win. Though, I guess that would mean that we both win…kind of…

If you know someone who you think I might be a good match with, set it up. My taste is ever changing and evolving and I’m stoked to begin this “race”.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Hi - My Name is Shelby

Well, that's me.  My hair may be an inch longer, and I definitely lightened it, but for what it's worth, that is me.

Let me give you some foundation before I go rattling off examples of how I'm dead inside.  My rommie/bestie Paul and I have been spending an exorbitant amount of time alone together.  I am an extremely social person, but I have noticed that my friendship circle has gotten smaller, mostly due to engagements, marriages, and babies.  Paul has noticed the same thing.  The party is over, which is fine by me because quite frankly, the party isn't that much fun anymore.

Paul and I have both come to the conclusion that we should probably start actively dating again which is really UUUGGGHHHH for me.  I detest dating.  Revolting.  I like people and learning new things, but... You know what I'm saying.  Especially if you read 30dates30blogs.  It's too much effort.

In order to force ourselves to attempt to be part of society, Paul and I have decided to start The AMATING Race.

Here are the RULES as far as I can tell:
1)  Paul and I are on a quest to find love.  The first one who finds it, wins The AMATING Race.
2)  BUT - If your opponent sets you up with someone whom you fall in love with, then THEY win. (ex. If I set up Paul with a dude and he falls in love with that dude, then I'm the victor, and vice versa.)
3)  You have to sustain a relationship for 6 months to win the race.  All the while, your opponent is still free to go have drinks with guys that he/she hopes to never see again.
4)  All rules are subject to change.

As you will quickly learn, this blog will be an open forum for both of us. Paul can post when he wants, and the same goes for me.  I also encourage you to to pick me as your favorite, and give me leads. You can contact me at  Want to set me up? Great.  Email me. Want to set Paul up?  Great.  Email me, and I'll set him up.

I honestly think the only way I'll win is if I set Paul up with a love.  As I said before, I'm convinced I'm dead inside.  Not completely dead.  I like to laugh, and flirt, and all of that business, but I'm not impressed by anything anymore.

It's probably an urban legend, but have you ever heard that dogs are born with a predestined amount of heartbeats and as soon as their heart hits the last beat, DEAD.  Dead as a doornail.  Sounds suspicious to me too, but I'm going to use it as an analogy, nonetheless.

I have had many loves.  Loved and lost, acted a fool.  Been the dumper and the dumpee.  I've had those relationships that were hot and heavy and then all of a sudden fizzled, and you're just left there with your hands in the air sighing, "What happened?"  I've had the hard sell with an even harder letdown.  I've experienced unrequited love, heartache, sheer bliss, stupidity, awful decisions clouded by passion...  Been through it all, I tell ya.  And I think I hit my last heartbeat about three years ago. Dead.  Dead as a doornail.

I am not complaining.  There are many advantages to being dead inside. Everything is seen through a filter of meh, so you rarely get taken for a ride.  It's grounding.

My friends, Paul included, disagree and think that once I meet the right gentleman, it will be like being hit by a defibrillator.  I don't know what to say.  All I know is that Paul, unlike me, is open to all things love and still has hope that "the one" exists.  I think that my "the one" died already. Thanks a lot "the one."

Honestly, I could rattle on and on, but I'm not going to.  I need material for more blogs.  I am dreading getting back online, but in this situation, it is a must.  That should make you 30dates30bloggers a little excited.  YAY!  We get to have strange men write strange things to me and I'll report back here to tell you all about it.

But what I'd love is if everyone would really stretch their resources to find men for me to date and men for me to set Paul up with to date.  It adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the whole situation, don't you think?

Contact me here:

Jesus Christ, we're doing this.