Monday, July 6, 2015

S - Seriously Considering Filling My Pockets With Stones and Walking Into the Ocean

Happy post July 4th everyone. I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing holiday. I had a blast. Paul and I threw a little shin-dig. I didn't eat too much, stayed hydrated, and felt fine in the morning. That's a score, in my book. Oh, and apparently it doesn't matter how much you practice cornhole by yourself, when the BBQ tournament comes around, you'll inevitably choke.

But whatever. I have to write about what's happening online. You guys, seriously? If you saw what is out there and how it interacts with me, you would be just as depressed as I am right now. I mean, I have a couple of text flirting boyfriends right now, but the communication is pretty UGH. This one doesn't know the difference between your and you're, the other wants to take me to Palm Springs (We haven't met.), another is just a snooze-fest and doesn't understand witty banter. It's all so... mundane.

I don't want you to worry though, because I'm getting some killer stories. There's the man from some town in California I've never heard of that I accidentally "winked" at (kill me), and now he's UP IN MY GRILL. I believe a direct quote from one the 14 unanswered messages he sent was, "I'll be right here waiting for you, Dear." No Boo.

Then there'e the man who doesn't date performers, which is fine by me, but he then listed all of the reasons why: they're narcissistic, selfish, immature... Manners are not a strong suit in the online game.

There are also no shortage of selfies: at the gym, in a public restroom, in an apartment restroom, in the gym restroom, with a motorcycle... And 75% of them are rotated the wrong way.

It's really sad. This is all becoming quite cumbersome, even after only 4 days. Is it really asking too much to find a decent gentleman, of an appropriate age, with a job, who enjoys live music, Netflix, laughing, and a plethora of other things that would be required? I'm thinking the answer to that is yes.

So, I'm going to go sit in this corner over here and cry myself to sleep while my phone continues to explode with messages from men in their twilight years from Rancho Cucamonga. Funny on paper? Yes. Funny in real life? Not on your life.

Just fill my pockets with stones, and call it a day.


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