Wednesday, March 25, 2015


I just dropped Paul off at Union Station, so he can catch the Fly Away to LAX, and I am over the moon.  Don't get me wrong, I love him like a brother, but I can't wait to miss him like a brother too. He's on his way to Sweden, and at the Vendome compound it is SPRING BREAK!!!

But whatever. Want to hear about last night's date?

It was fun. I met him at a local French pub. He's quite lithe and very handsome. While we were conversing, I surmised that he's a cross between Nick Jonas, James Franco, and James Dean. I wanted to nickname him Nick-ames Dean, but Paul said that was too complicated. Instead, I will call him Fancy Face because that's what Bo Brady called Hope on Days of Our Lives in 1865. I remember. She had a pretty face, so he called her Fancy Face, so there's your background.

We drank cocktails, discussed family history, and agreed that the human race is not worth preserving. He's dark, brooding, and I'm OK with it. We're not going to be walking down an aisle together, picking out China patterns, or fighting over seating charts. I still had a blast. Most of our date was "getting to know you" jabber. I'm off to NYC on Thursday, so we discussed seeing each other upon my return, but who knows. I don't think either one of us is really ready for a relationship at the moment, so we shall see.

As I have mentioned, Paul is not happy with my choice to date emotionally unavailable men. I don't care. I told him that there should be some kind of award for the person who dates the most. You know, like Miss Congeniality. It's not as good as winning, but you get some recognition. Like a "You Go Gurl" award.

If there is one thing that I've realized from this experiment, it's that friend setup dates are WAY better than online setups. I adored Todd, had a laugh with South, and Fancy Face is nice to look at. Not that it's Old School's fault, but no. I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel that it would behoove me to stay away from the Internet when it comes to love. It's not there, Boo.

So, here I am, puddling through this race to the best of my ability. If Paul and Carrot can hold on for another 3 months, this blog will be over, and I can go about my life in a healthy manner.

Until then, I'm off to NYC! The City That Never Sleeps! The Big Apple! Take it away, Frank!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

S - Don't Hate the Playa

You guys. In 2 hours, I will officially be on Spring Break. Kind of. If you don't count my 6pm tutoring client, but other than that, it's SPRING BREAK!!!!

What will I do? The usual, of course: get into trouble, yoga, and date (in that order).  Don't want to brag, but I have a date on Monday. #bragging

Tis true that this blog is about finding love, but I don't care about love at the moment. My friends know this and are now opening up their little black books to set me up with guys that are not really ready to find Ms. Right. You know, just good old fashioned dating fun. A flirt here, a kiss there... Or tell Paul to call me in an hour with some emergency and call an Uber STAT.

Paul does not like my game strategy. He thinks that I shouldn't be dating if I'm not looking for love because this blog is about love, not galavanting around town. After Goody Proctor took off her bonnet, I reminded her to play the game her way, and I'd play it my way. I guess I'm supposed to stay in the house and listen to him and Carrot talk? Um, no. I'm going to go out and have fun. And who knows what will happen? I may meet someone special on this adventure, even if it isn't the man I'm on a date with. Girl needs something to dress up for. Plus, and this is the biggest reason, SOMEONE has to do SOMETHING so there is shit to write about. Am I right, you guys?

Anyway, I know nothing about this gentleman besides the fact that my cool as shit girlfriend set me up with him, and he's handsome. He could have an awful voice or not believe in evolution for all I know. Come Monday night, we shall see.

Can't get enough of this one. Happy weekend. SPRING BREAK!
It's a pretty sophomoric video but fun song.

Monday, March 16, 2015

S - All Quiet on the Western Front

Hey y'all. I know it's been radio silent for a bit here, so I thought I'd do a quick post since I'm up at 4:30 in the morning.

Many moons ago, I used to tutor this child who had a Mexican-Jewish nanny, whom I just adored. Her name was Christine. One day, we were chatting about this and that, and I mentioned that sometimes, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning and can't go back to sleep. She said, "Oh yes, that happens to me all of the time. Aba wakes me up too." At this point, I'm confused. Christine is no spring chicken, so if her aba (Father in Hebrew, FYI) wakes her up on a regular basis, he must be an ancient handful. I responded, "Oh, your father lives with you?" She laughed, pointed to the ceiling, and said, "No. Aba." Ah ha! THAT Aba. The big Aba in the sky. The Aba with a capital A. Christine went on to say that when Aba wakes you up, it's time to get up and pray, write, read, whatever. Aba wants to talk to you.

Well, Aba has been waking me up at 3am for weeks now. I get mad at Aba because I'm on a regimented schedule. When He roused me tonight, like clockwork, I waited an hour and a half before I answered Aba's call. So here I am.

Here's the Reader's Digest version of what's going down on the compound. Paul and Carrot are practically engaged, but Carrot is in NYC right now. Paul's dad is coming for a visit this week. Spring Break starts in 4 days, and I'm so excited I could die. Paul leaves for Europe soon, so I'll be owning this town like a mother fucker.

Thus far, I have only had time to date my work and hot yoga. I need a break from the former relationship and want to invest more of myself in the latter. In four days, this will come to fruition.

That's all I've got. No dates on the horizon (which I'm OK with). I'll try to think of something to do to contribute to this blog.  For now, enjoy this picture of a kitten with anime eyes.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

S - Let's Get Real

Due to a business meeting, I once again found myself out on a Sunday night. If you're an Angeleno and enjoy Sunday evening revelry, you have to get your ass down to Silver Lake.  I had dinner/drinks with friends/business bedfellows and both of the establishments we patronized were packed.

Anyway, as I'm talking with my dinner mates, I receive a text from South. As a reminder, South and I had not communicated for a week. Although we had a fun night together that involved a bit of making out, neither one of us reached out to the other after that night, which is fine. He didn't have to get a hold of me as the feeling was mutual, but South let me know that he read my blog and realized as well that we were not a match but had a good time nonetheless. Class act, that South. We're now starting a neighborhood basketball league to solidify our friendship. I kid. I'm more of a badminton gal, myself.

So, the search continues. To give a bit of behind-the-scenes here at The Amating Race, I thought I'd fill you in on some of my inner dialogue. Because I like a guy at the same rate of Halley's Comet, shaking my feelings for Todd was, hmmm, how do I say? Tedious? Is that the right word? Laborious seems so menial. Let's just say that I have a thick skin with a mushy, sensitive interior. I have missed him. BUT, as everyone knows, according to Sex in the City, it takes 1/2 the time you dated a person to get over them, and my 1/2 has come and gone (spraying champagne all over the room, lighting dollar bills on fire, jumping into a pool of cocaine).

What have I learned? Well, I hope Paul wins the race, so I no longer have to search for love. I don't think I need it. As a matter of fact, I think it's a pain in the ass. I prefer to be dead inside and take a lover here and there. I lived such a lifestyle last summer, and it was liberating and stress-free. If I had the time, I'd do it again now. (Taking a lover takes a lot of footwork.) Never fear, however, because summer is just around the corner.

I am asking everyone out there to root for Paul and Carrot.  I know I am. While we wait, I'll try my best to go on a date here and there to find viable candidates for simple pleasures. Other than that, not really interested.

(Drops mic. Walks off stage.)

Friday, March 6, 2015

S - Single FOREVER - And Looooovvving IT!

So, Ive been thinking. Like every race for love, I feel that there is a way to skip ahead. Things with South are escalating faster than I ever thought was possible, so what if we decide to move in with each other before the 6 month mark? Does that mean I win?

Just kidding. South and I have not contacted one another since our last date. Due to my extensive dating research, I believe this term is called a Mutual Meh. I can only speak for myself, but I think South would agree that although we are very good at having a laugh with one another, we are missing that je ne sais quoi that is needed to sustain a romantic connection. No harm, no foul, however. South is a shoe-in on the friendship list and will be invited to any and all social engagements at the Vendome Compound (a nickname for our house).

I'm not going to lie, I'm tired of looking. My schedule is stacked with work, work, and yoga. Is my social life suffering? A little, but a part of me doesn't really care. Would it be so bad if Paul were to win this thing? Maybe love isn't supposed to be one of my achievements in this lifetime. Maybe I'm meant for something else. Like leading a feminist revolution, or writing a book that will change the world, or mastering a handstand without a spotter.

I will say, however, that my friends are being really cool about setting me up with physically available men. (Emotionally available is another story.) A former colleague has a friend she wants me to meet but said she was worried that the blog would scare him off. If this 2 horse blog is a problem for any guy, then he is clearly not the man for me, so it's nice to have this litmus test. What is he going to do when I start talking about the relationship on stage? (Speaking of, I have acquired a great bit about the Todd break-up that elicited quite a chuckle at my last show. Tragedy + Time = Comedy. It's simple math.)

I guess I'm just tired. I mean, I went to bed at 8:30 last night. Luckily for me, Spring Break is in 2 weeks, and boy do I need it. Paul will be in Europe, so I'll get the place to myself again. Besides a short jaunt to NYC, I'll get the compound all to myself. Perhaps I'll put off dating until then. Unless Mr. Right reveals himself, of course.

As for the weekend, let's get it started right. Do you know Courtney Barnett? If not, I suggest you study up.

Monday, March 2, 2015

S - Back in the Saddle Again

Having the weekend to myself has been therapeutic. I took a bath for the first time in 5 years. I mean, I shower, but I have not submerged myself in a vat of non-chlorinated water in eons. I forgot how awesome it is and will now be adding it to my repertoire. I also cleaned the kitchen, did 5 loads of laundry, cleared out my trunk, and watched one episode of House of Cards. Oh and had an awesome sleep over with my friend Shelagh. God, we laaauuuughed!

Y'all don't care about any of this, I know. It's about the mens over here. Let's get to it then, shall we?

Last night was my second date with South. It was a cold, rainy night in Los Angeles, CA, so if you know anything about this city, it shuts down with precipitation. Plus it was a Sunday. To keep things simple, we decided to grab Mexican food at a local restaurant. I have not dated a man who lives in my neighborhood in a long time. It's so fucking convenient.

I arrived first, because I'm just that way, and was excited to see a comedian friend of mine hostessing. We laughed it up, talked about men, and acknowledged that we get to see each other again on Tuesday because we have a show together. The night is already wonderful.

South arrives, and I've already made it through 1/2 a bowl of chips. We get our "clean" margaritas, eat, and laugh. It's so simple.

Post dinner, we decide to hit up another local establishment a hop, skip, and a jump away. It's packed, so we decide to go somewhere else, but not before we run into a British philosophy professor friend of South's. We had an interesting/controversial conversation about racism. I could talk to a philosophy professor ALL DAY. But we left anyway.

Place number 3 was chill, but this is when the night falls away from me a bit. All I know is that I laughed a lot, and that's all that really matters to me at this point. We ultimately decide to take advantage of the no roommate situation for free drinks a perhaps a make-out sesh. It was a respectable evening. Everything was second date appropriate. Good old-fashioned fun. As I mentioned before, I mostly recall laughing a lot.

So that's the way it is. Who knows what will happen with South, but for now, I'm enjoying the time I get to spend with him. As of today, someone is back in the game.

Hey, do you feel like dancing around your place? Yes? Then listen to this.