Shelby and Paul are the last singles standing in their friendship circle. The quest for love is never easy, so these two decided to make it a competition. The first to find love will win bragging rights for eternity, and the Internet will record it all for your viewing pleasure.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
P- Ask and Ye Shall Receive
Ok, ok... yes, it's been awhile. But, I just wanted to let you know that
Seriously, I don't really have much to say. Things with Carrot are seemingly fine. (ps- I really regret having selected that as a moniker...) One thing that has been a bit challenging to me is that Carrot doesn't text as much as other people I've dated. A few times, it's caused a bit of a panic. But, ultimately, it's helped me to be a bit more patient.
Yes, I'm going to San Francisco. I will always type out S-A-N F-R-A-N-C-I-S-C-O, because I detest just abbreviating it to S.F. It's just my thing. Shelby will, indeed, be alone. Her mention of leaving shoes in the living room hits a little close to home, as I realize that I often leave my shoes in the living room overnight. Was tea just being served to me? It seems like it's suddenly a little shady in here....However, I never wear shoes in the house. I was raised right.
I'll keep you posted as to any huge developments- marriage, death, whatever. My current events are just as they should be- calm, collected and enjoyable. I could tell you about the incredible salad that I was introduced to at Mohawk Bend or the fact that I introduced my amigo to the wonder that is a sandwich from Trencher. But, you've got enough on your plate as it is with Shelby (see how I did that food play on words?!)
If you excuse me, I'm writing from a Pete's Coffee where everyone is a little bit too noisy for my taste and the gentleman next to me us hitting on a woman who looks like she just left an audition for the role of the Witch in a non-union production of "Into the Woods". They've just started dissecting "50 Shades of Grey". Luckily, I'm wearing headphones. There isn't any music playing through them, but they give me the air of "being uninterested". Also, someone just walked by and watched as I poured a handful of macadamia nuts into my gullet and he shook his head in disgust. I think it's a sign.
I think it's quite obvious that Paul will no longer be joining us on the blog. I am here to report that he is still seeing Carrot, so I am now the tortoise, and he is the hare. (Whatever, this game can change in the blink of an eye. One minute you're happy as a clam at some lame dance party in Silver Lake, the next you're breaking up in the rain in Santa Monica.)
This week has been excruciatingly busy. I went out like I was 30 on Monday and paid a dear price on Tuesday morning when I got up after only 5 hours of sleep and had a full day of teaching/tutoring. Life is glamorous. Needless to say, I've been playing catch-up ever since. The soonest South and I are able to see each other is this Sunday, but I have a 3 day weekend, so it's all good.
Speaking of this weekend, Paul is going to San Francisco for 3 WHOLE NIGHTS. Do you know what this means? I'm spending the whole weekend in my underwear and leaving all of my shoes in the living room. I'll have sleep overs, skip meals, and talk to myself like a meth addict. It's going to me AMAZING.
I can't get enough of this song at the moment. Have an awesome weekend. I know I will.
Last night was my first date with South, and guess what? I had fun. A lot of fun.
South lives in my neighborhood, so we decided to meet at a wine bar in the next hood over. We were both 5 minutes late, due to Ubers, and walked up at the same time. Obviously, we're getting married.
The wine bar was abuzz. We found one chair available at the bar, so we took turns sitting and standing until another seat presented itself. It's only fair. I knew, from some previous texts, that South had had a rough day at work. I asked him about it, and he asked if he could vent. I feel like I'm always venting about work, so I'm happy to listen to another's woes. He wasn't kidding. He had a bad day, but he wasn't being winey about it. He approaches frustration with humor, so I'm in.
South has a cute southern accent, but it's not one of those annoying, "Well it's nice to see ya. Won't you pull up a chair, so I can tug at your ear?" kinda drawls. I detest a theatrically dense southern twang, and as a Texan, I feel that I can say that. Also, he is SUPER funny. I laughed a lot.
I can't say that anything ridiculously exciting happened, but it was just a really enjoyable night with a funny, well-mannered guy who has a mop of adorably curly hair. The conversation flowed easily, and it was nice to hang with someone new without it feeling like an effort.
As the evening advanced, I started to yawn. I told South it had absolutely nothing to do with him, but instead had to do with my 6 am call time earlier that day. He agreed that he was losing steam as well. Friday dates can be difficult. The week can come crashing down on you, all of a sudden.
We shared an Uber home, and as protocol dictates, I was dropped off first. He walked me to my door, and we both expressed a desire to see one another again. I'm booked for the rest of the weekend, so we decided to reconvene next week.
So, I get to hang up my first date dress for a bit, thank God. I'm also floored that I didn't retrograde back to dead inside. I'm proud of myself for pushing through and continuing on this journey. I feel good and hopeful today. There are not only other fish in the sea, there are some really fun ones. Although I'm looking forward to my Saturday off (this never happens), I'm also looking forward to spending more time with South next week.
On another note, y'all need to tell Paul to update this blog. It's getting to be a bit ridiculous. He had words with me about it, and I told him to post something, already. His excuse is that he feels we can't post on the same day, or people won't read it. I call BS on that one.
Once again, this has nothing to do with the post, but do y'all remember this? #poopbackandforthforever
I am meeting a gentleman for drinks on Friday night. I have mentioned this man in a previous post. He is a friend of a friend. My friend has been wanting to set me up with this fellow for quite some time.
I was messaged via Facebook from this suitor. One witty repartee, and then we moved it to text. This man is from the southern region of this great country of ours. He even texts with an accent. We had a laugh about Yankee cuisine and then turned in for the evening.
(Obviously, his moniker will be South.) I am looking forward to spending time with South. First of all, he comes highly recommended by a dear friend. Secondly, he's a southern guy. As a woman from Texas, I find it very easy to hang out with southerners. Now, I know that Texas isn't technically the south, but our cultures are quite similar: BBQ, the GOP, guns... I got this.
If you're bored, feel free to peruse this amateur video of me discussing this very issue on stage.
I spent my Valentine's weekend with friends. I got to be with one of my besties and her dad. She gave me the sweetest Valentine ever.
For Being The Best Friend Ever
Shelby, I realy[sic] love being your friend. You are very nice to me. I hope you like the picture on here! Love, Liv (in cursive!)
I mean... How can you be down on love when you get something like that? I still managed. I was talking to Liv's aba about the supposed holiday and how I think it subconsciously made me bluer than I thought I should be and then followed it with, "I hate Valentine's Day." Uh oh. Liv heard that, and her eyes grew to the size of saucers. "You hate Valentine's Day?????? That is soooo weird!" Seriously, I am the most positive, kid-like grown-up Liv knows. This may have been a soul crusher. Aba saved the day with, "When you get cynical, you'll hate Valentine's Day too." #teachthemearly
I have been completely man free for 3 whole days. This has provided me with time for other endeavors. As I said in my last post, I'm taking a breather to concentrate on a creative project. It involves another blog of mine (Yeah, I have another blog. Four in fact. I have also turned one of those blogs into a musical. What did you do today?)
My newest enterprise is a slow roll, as its manifestation won't reveal itself until the fall. I will not incubate my dating life that long, however. Liv's aba says I only get another week. And that is being generous.
Holy hell. What a week. By the by, I'm officially hijacking the blog. When you're in a good relationship, as Paul is, you don't really have anything to write about. When you're breaking up and single, sky's the limit.
I spent a respectable night at home Wednesday because that had to happen. Underwear is washed, but my room looks like a clothes monster threw up all over it, which is not my way. Instead of attending to it yesterday, I went out with a friend because that's how I roll.
Old School texted and wanted to get together before his travels. I'm booked every night through Monday. A little back and forth, but ultimately he said that if I wasn't into this, it was OK, and no hard feelings. At this point, I'm with my friend, so I don't text back right away.
I ended up spending the night at my friend's and when I woke up, not only was my phone dead, it wouldn't charge. I finally got that figured out and immediately texted Old School to apologize for the disappearance and that I needed to haul ass to get ready for work and would text later.
Maybe an hour goes by, and I realize I need to face this. Although I am glad that I went out on a date right after the break-up (It was the right thing for me to do for me.), I still have a bit of processing to do. The getting-over-it is speeding along, for sure, but jumping into anything that is equal to or greater than the Todd situation isn't a reality at the moment. Plus, Old School is off to the Philippines in a week.
I texted Old School and told him this and said that it had nothing to do with him, obviously, and if he didn't think I was a weirdo, and he didn't fall in love with a lovely local, he should hit me up when he returns. This did not go over well.
To paraphrase, he said that at my age this is a cop-out and if I were attracted to him, I'd try harder, and I'm not trying. He also said something ugly about Todd which was immature and unnecessary, and then finished it off with a dig on people in LA. Pretty textbook.
At this moment, I'd like to recant my "he is extremely emotionally intelligent" assessment. I'd also like to note, and remind others, that what people say and how they actually feel is often skewed. Old School was obviously NOT that OK with me not being into it, and I'm OK with that.
I'd also like to note that although it is unfair for him to assume that he knows anything about anything that I'm going through, it is entirely fair that he claim that if I were more attracted to him, I would not use Todd as an excuse.
So here's the deal - I'm going to take a short amount of time to lick my wounds and plunge myself into a creative endeavor because that's how I get through muck. I'm excited about it but not ready to divulge my idea just yet. All I can say is that it involves me moving to Canada for a year. #kidding
As we all know, this blog is not about my work; it's about love. I am here to assure the 5 of you that read this that I am not giving up. A good friend of mine has been wanting to set me up with a particular guy before this blog even started. I want to give both of us a fair chance, so I'm trucking through these feelings of mine first. I have to say, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about moving forward. Today. Lord knows what tomorrow will bring.
I am burning the candle at both ends, and its only advantage is a few lbs lost. When my alarm went off this morning, I wanted to break my phone in half. But I didn't.
I know, you're not here to read complaints. You want the scoop. Here we go.
Luckily, I finished a little early with my client last night, so I ran home to freshen up a bit. I switched from Pilates-teacher-Shelby to first-date-outfit-that-shows-off-your-legs-Shelby. I also downed a glass of wine because, to be honest, I was a little nervous.
I get to the establishment first because I drove and he took Uber. I sat at the bar and ordered a libation, then immediately stuck my nose in my phone.
Wait, this man needs a nickname. Phone guy was a place holder, and he deserves better. Let's call him Old School, and I mean that in a good way.
OK, so Old School sidles up behind me and unintentionally scares the shit out of me. Nothing like an adrenaline rush before introductions. He's a handsome fellow. He looks like my high school boyfriend and my friend's stepdad had a kid. I realize that's an awful description because I am the only person on earth who knows what both of those people look like.
We sit outside, order oysters, talk, laugh... The usual. I don't want to brag, but I'm a really good dater. #bragging
He asked about my "break-up" with Todd, and I stayed cryptic. I don't like discussing past relationships on date #1. Even if one of those past relationships ended 3 days ago. Old School had recently broken up with someone as well. That's why he thought he'd try one more time to reach out to me. I said that I was glad that he was persistent.
Dinner was great. He's from Long Island, so I enjoyed listening to his accent. He is EXTREMELY emotionally intelligent, which is intriguing. So emotionally intelligent, in fact, that he wants someone to know EVERYTHING about him. You know, vulnerability equals intimacy. I totally get it. He asks me to tell him a secret that I've never told anyone before. I immediately say, "No." He is seriously on some sort of hallucinogenic if he thinks that I'm going to reveal something to him that I haven't revealed to my best friend, and I told him that. Then we got into a debate about honesty, truth, true intimacy, blah blah blah. It was a compelling conversation.
He wanted to change locations for a nightcap. The place he wanted to take me involved a car ride. I talked him into a place across the street because I had to wake up early to finish a PowerPoint presentation on fascism. Don't be jealous.
So, across the street we go. He insisted on picking up the dinner bill, so I insisted on getting the drink. He fought a respectable amount of time and then complied.
Listen, this guy is super smart and driven. He used to be a professor and now shoots commercials all over the country. Oh, by the by, he leaves in 10 days to shoot in the Philippines for 30 days. We'll come back to this issue later.
As I said, Old School is a little old school. He likes to pick up the bill, pull out chairs for the ladies, you know, all of that shit. It's really sweet. BUT we did get into a little tiff. Our first fight.
He told me that women rule the world, which I just can't. I know I am easily agitated when it comes to gender issues, but I hold my tongue a little on first dates. This statement, however, could not be ignored. If eyeballs rolling had a sound, mine would have been a sonic boom. I didn't just roll my eyes, I rolled my whole face.
His argument was that everything straight men do is to impress women, and gay men emulate women*. I had to remind him that that is not the definition of ruling the world. I also mentioned pay inequity, reproductive rights, slut shaming, double standards, rape... I can rattle on forever, but I won't. It got a little heated and although not a deal breaker in the least, it put a layer of weird into the air. I then reminded him that Mercury was in retrograde, so of course we're miscommunicating. I don't think he bought it.
He said he had a lovely time, and I agreed. We discussed the fact that he's leaving the country for a month, and he asked me to not give up on him. I said that I was going to continue to date others, obviously, but when he gets back, he should totally contact me. If I'm married, I'm married. Shit be crazy sometimes.
He walked me to my car. It was in a parking garage that was lit as if we were standing on the sun. He mentioned something about a kiss. I said that the lighting was not conducive to such behavior, plus talking about kissing before kissing makes my vagina crawl up into my throat. I don't think those were my exact words, but you get the gist.
I have no clue if Old School and I will see each other again. I don't mind a row or two on a date. If anything, it makes it interesting. It seemed that he was OK with it as well. But let's be real, he's leaving the country for 30 days.
I go home to Paul and Carrot sitting on the couch. There they were, just rubbing my face in their first place position. Ugh.
I need to take the rest of the week off from dating. I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep, wash my intimates, and read a book for pleasure. Oh, and watch The Bachelor.
*The opinions and beliefs of Old School are not necessarily shared by the author of this blog.
Again, I have no valid visual for this post. We're learning about Hitler in my history class, so I showed them this clip. It has nothing to do with the lead up of WWII, but sometimes you just have to laugh.
Tonight is the night. I'm meeting contestant #2 in this crazy race. I'm not used to shifting gears this quickly, but I'm glad I am. Something about first dates. You get to be charming and not really give a fuck, all at the same time.
We're going for seafood in beautiful Hollywood, California. True to form, I'll be hauling ass from a tutoring session in the valley. I have another insane day of teaching, tutoring, studying, planning, and trying desperately to continue to have a social life.
This morning, whilst getting ready for work, I complained to Paul, "I have to teach Pilates today and pack another outfit so I look cute tonight." His response? "Oh no, you get to wear sweats to work all day and someone wants to spend time with you. Your life is really hard." Point taken.
As far as Todd is concerned, I have moved from the sad stage to the mad stage, which is so much more fun. I should be over this by the end of the week.
I don't have a visual for this post, so I'm going to embed the song I'm currently obsessed with. It's about Xanax. I'm not a Benzo fan myself, but I dig her voice. When she sings, "How the fuck you do that in them denim jeans?" I go NUTS. Take a listen. Or don't. Live your life.
You guys, I got straight up dumped. Here's my story...
In my eyes, all was well last weekend. We had a fun date that included oysters, a fish charcuterie, a lame dance party with a fog machine, vodka sodas, and each other. I was in relationship heaven.
Then Monday happened.
Todd has been going through a challenging life transition, and it has not been a cake walk for him. Obviously it's his business, so I am not privy to get into the details, but said life transition did inch its way into our relationship as well. It was not my favorite thing about our relationship, but it also wasn't a deal breaker for me.
Anyway, come Monday, Todd decided that it would behoove him to put a restriction on us: No sleep overs during the week. The man has shit to do. OK. Not ideal, since he practically lives in China, but whatever. It wasn't my favorite thing to hear from him, but it also wasn't what hurt my feelings. What DID hurt my feelings, however, was a change in communication patterns. He and I have always responded to one another in a timely manner, and that stopped with him. It made me sad, and I had a feeling we were coming to the end of the line.
I was supposed to hang out with him Wednesday night because I had a client on his side of town. I knew I would be with this client kind of late, so I canceled on Todd. I'm not going to his house late at night just to leave later in the night to drive back to civilization and then wake up at the crack of an asshole to get to work. No way.
The next morning, I email him and asked when he'd like to reschedule, and at this point, it's just weird. I feel it, he feels it. When he suggested that we meet in the middle of the day on Saturday, I thought, "This is it."
Backstory: I am a notorious flee-er (not a real word). When someone takes a step back from me, I run across the street. I don't like rejection and get really scared and anxious when "talks" have to happen. My usual MO would have been to send Todd a sweet email saying it's been a fun ride, but we've reached the end of the line, and never see him again. I made a conscious decision not to do this. This pattern of behavior has not worked for me in the past. All it does is make me push my feelings down further which means it just takes longer to get over. I don't have time for that. I'm in a race for love.
So I met with Todd in the middle of the day on a Saturday. You could cut the tension with a knife, so we decided to walk to get coffee. We discussed how the week went to shit. He said it should be easier than this and just wants to be friends. I was honest and told him that I didn't feel the same, but I respect his feelings. I am friends with all of my exes (except 2) and told him that after I process all of this and some time has passed, of course we can be friends. It's only been 2 months, so the getting over it process shouldn't be too lengthy. (But let's face it, I already have a ton of friends that I don't have time to see. I doubt Todd and I will be meeting for coffee, but if we run into each other, I'm confident we'll be able to have a laugh or two.)
On our way back to his place/my car, I have to hide a smile that creeps upon my face. This was a monumental moment for me. I don't tell guys that no longer like me that I still like them. I have too much pride. But this time I did the exact opposite of what I normally do, and it felt GOOD. Really good. So good, in fact, I realized that I had been doing myself a huge disservice. If I had been this honest in some of my past relationships, I bet I would have gotten over them faster. Breaking up with Todd wasn't awesome, but I felt lighter when I left. Maybe he was right. It shouldn't be this hard.
I went straight over to an old buddy's place who lives in Todd's neck of the woods. He was waiting there with a drink in hand for me. Three others came over to give me a hug, and I realized that 2 of my buddies who were consoling me were ex boyfriends. So who knows, maybe Todd and I will end up being real friends, and I can be there for him when some gal hurts his feelings.
Normally, I would take some time off of dating after something like this, but I'm breaking that pattern as well. This is a race, and I don't have time to mourn.
I don't know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but during my Hinge days, I had talked on the phone with a gentleman caller before I met Todd. He and I tried to meet, but our schedules weren't lining up. I met Todd first, fell smitten, and never hooked up with phone guy. Phone guy would send me a text every once in awhile, but I was with Todd. About 2 days before things went to shit with Todd, phone guy sent a text asking when we were going to go out already. I thought, "Man this guy is still trying to meet me?" But boy, am I glad he did.
I texted him apologies for being off the radar, but I was seeing someone and that has since ended. If he's still interested in meeting, I'd love to. He wrote back, "So glad things didn't work out with the other guy, and I want to take you to dinner ASAP." So I'm going out with him Tuesday night. Let's see what the day brings. We'll come up with a better nickname when I assess the situation.
I'm back to last place, and Paul is now winning. We did a ceremonial "Handing Over the Crown" last night over rose and a cheese plate shaped like the state of California. See for yourselves.
We had guests over, so please don't think we downed all of that ourselves. We're not monsters.
