S - Get To The Back Of The Line

And so the tide has turned.

You guys, I got straight up dumped. Here's my story...

In my eyes, all was well last weekend. We had a fun date that included oysters, a fish charcuterie, a lame dance party with a fog machine, vodka sodas, and each other. I was in relationship heaven.

Then Monday happened.

Todd has been going through a challenging life transition, and it has not been a cake walk for him. Obviously it's his business, so I am not privy to get into the details, but said life transition did inch its way into our relationship as well. It was not my favorite thing about our relationship, but it also wasn't a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, come Monday, Todd decided that it would behoove him to put a restriction on us: No sleep overs during the week. The man has shit to do. OK. Not ideal, since he practically lives in China, but whatever. It wasn't my favorite thing to hear from him, but it also wasn't what hurt my feelings. What DID hurt my feelings, however, was a change in communication patterns. He and I have always responded to one another in a timely manner, and that stopped with him. It made me sad, and I had a feeling we were coming to the end of the line.

I was supposed to hang out with him Wednesday night because I had a client on his side of town. I knew I would be with this client kind of late, so I canceled on Todd. I'm not going to his house late at night just to leave later in the night to drive back to civilization and then wake up at the crack of an asshole to get to work. No way.

The next morning, I email him and asked when he'd like to reschedule, and at this point, it's just weird. I feel it, he feels it. When he suggested that we meet in the middle of the day on Saturday, I thought, "This is it."

Backstory: I am a notorious flee-er (not a real word). When someone takes a step back from me, I run across the street. I don't like rejection and get really scared and anxious when "talks" have to happen. My usual MO would have been to send Todd a sweet email saying it's been a fun ride, but we've reached the end of the line, and never see him again. I made a conscious decision not to do this. This pattern of behavior has not worked for me in the past. All it does is make me push my feelings down further which means it just takes longer to get over. I don't have time for that. I'm in a race for love.

So I met with Todd in the middle of the day on a Saturday. You could cut the tension with a knife, so we decided to walk to get coffee. We discussed how the week went to shit. He said it should be easier than this and just wants to be friends. I was honest and told him that I didn't feel the same, but I respect his feelings. I am friends with all of my exes (except 2) and told him that after I process all of this and some time has passed, of course we can be friends. It's only been 2 months, so the getting over it process shouldn't be too lengthy. (But let's face it, I already have a ton of friends that I don't have time to see. I doubt Todd and I will be meeting for coffee, but if we run into each other, I'm confident we'll be able to have a laugh or two.)

On our way back to his place/my car, I have to hide a smile that creeps upon my face. This was a monumental moment for me. I don't tell guys that no longer like me that I still like them. I have too much pride. But this time I did the exact opposite of what I normally do, and it felt GOOD. Really good. So good, in fact, I realized that I had been doing myself a huge disservice. If I had been this honest in some of my past relationships, I bet I would have gotten over them faster. Breaking up with Todd wasn't awesome, but I felt lighter when I left. Maybe he was right. It shouldn't be this hard.

I went straight over to an old buddy's place who lives in Todd's neck of the woods. He was waiting there with a drink in hand for me. Three others came over to give me a hug, and I realized that 2 of my buddies who were consoling me were ex boyfriends. So who knows, maybe Todd and I will end up being real friends, and I can be there for him when some gal hurts his feelings.

Normally, I would take some time off of dating after something like this, but I'm breaking that pattern as well. This is a race, and I don't have time to mourn.

I don't know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but during my Hinge days, I had talked on the phone with a gentleman caller before I met Todd. He and I tried to meet, but our schedules weren't lining up. I met Todd first, fell smitten, and never hooked up with phone guy. Phone guy would send me a text every once in awhile, but I was with Todd. About 2 days before things went to shit with Todd, phone guy sent a text asking when we were going to go out already. I thought, "Man this guy is still trying to meet me?" But boy, am I glad he did.

I texted him apologies for being off the radar, but I was seeing someone and that has since ended. If he's still interested in meeting, I'd love to. He wrote back, "So glad things didn't work out with the other guy, and I want to take you to dinner ASAP." So I'm going out with him Tuesday night. Let's see what the day brings. We'll come up with a better nickname when I assess the situation.

I'm back to last place, and Paul is now winning. We did a ceremonial "Handing Over the Crown" last night over rose and a cheese plate shaped like the state of California. See for yourselves.

We had guests over, so please don't think we downed all of that ourselves. We're not monsters.