S - My Second First Date

I am burning the candle at both ends, and its only advantage is a few lbs lost. When my alarm went off this morning, I wanted to break my phone in half. But I didn't.

I know, you're not here to read complaints. You want the scoop. Here we go.

Luckily, I finished a little early with my client last night, so I ran home to freshen up a bit. I switched from Pilates-teacher-Shelby to first-date-outfit-that-shows-off-your-legs-Shelby. I also downed a glass of wine because, to be honest, I was a little nervous.

I get to the establishment first because I drove and he took Uber. I sat at the bar and ordered a libation, then immediately stuck my nose in my phone.

Wait, this man needs a nickname. Phone guy was a place holder, and he deserves better. Let's call him Old School, and I mean that in a good way.

OK, so Old School sidles up behind me and unintentionally scares the shit out of me. Nothing like an adrenaline rush before introductions. He's a handsome fellow. He looks like my high school boyfriend and my friend's stepdad had a kid. I realize that's an awful description because I am the only person on earth who knows what both of those people look like.

We sit outside, order oysters, talk, laugh... The usual. I don't want to brag, but I'm a really good dater. #bragging

He asked about my "break-up" with Todd, and I stayed cryptic. I don't like discussing past relationships on date #1. Even if one of those past relationships ended 3 days ago. Old School had recently broken up with someone as well. That's why he thought he'd try one more time to reach out to me. I said that I was glad that he was persistent.

Dinner was great. He's from Long Island, so I enjoyed listening to his accent. He is EXTREMELY emotionally intelligent, which is intriguing. So emotionally intelligent, in fact, that he wants someone to know EVERYTHING about him. You know, vulnerability equals intimacy. I totally get it. He asks me to tell him a secret that I've never told anyone before. I immediately say, "No." He is seriously on some sort of hallucinogenic if he thinks that I'm going to reveal something to him that I haven't revealed to my best friend, and I told him that. Then we got into a debate about honesty, truth, true intimacy, blah blah blah. It was a compelling conversation.

He wanted to change locations for a nightcap. The place he wanted to take me involved a car ride. I talked him into a place across the street because I had to wake up early to finish a PowerPoint presentation on fascism. Don't be jealous.

So, across the street we go. He insisted on picking up the dinner bill, so I insisted on getting the drink. He fought a respectable amount of time and then complied.

Listen, this guy is super smart and driven. He used to be a professor and now shoots commercials all over the country. Oh, by the by, he leaves in 10 days to shoot in the Philippines for 30 days. We'll come back to this issue later.

As I said, Old School is a little old school. He likes to pick up the bill, pull out chairs for the ladies, you know, all of that shit. It's really sweet. BUT we did get into a little tiff. Our first fight.

He told me that women rule the world, which I just can't. I know I am easily agitated when it comes to gender issues, but I hold my tongue a little on first dates. This statement, however, could not be ignored. If eyeballs rolling had a sound, mine would have been a sonic boom. I didn't just roll my eyes, I rolled my whole face.

His argument was that everything straight men do is to impress women, and gay men emulate women*. I had to remind him that that is not the definition of ruling the world. I also mentioned pay inequity, reproductive rights, slut shaming, double standards, rape... I can rattle on forever, but I won't. It got a little heated and although not a deal breaker in the least, it put a layer of weird into the air. I then reminded him that Mercury was in retrograde, so of course we're miscommunicating. I don't think he bought it.

He said he had a lovely time, and I agreed. We discussed the fact that he's leaving the country for a month, and he asked me to not give up on him. I said that I was going to continue to date others, obviously, but when he gets back, he should totally contact me. If I'm married, I'm married. Shit be crazy sometimes.

He walked me to my car. It was in a parking garage that was lit as if we were standing on the sun. He mentioned something about a kiss. I said that the lighting was not conducive to such behavior, plus talking about kissing before kissing makes my vagina crawl up into my throat. I don't think those were my exact words, but you get the gist.

I have no clue if Old School and I will see each other again. I don't mind a row or two on a date. If anything, it makes it interesting. It seemed that he was OK with it as well. But let's be real, he's leaving the country for 30 days.

I go home to Paul and Carrot sitting on the couch. There they were, just rubbing my face in their first place position. Ugh.

I need to take the rest of the week off from dating. I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep, wash my intimates, and read a book for pleasure. Oh, and watch The Bachelor.

*The opinions and beliefs of Old School are not necessarily shared by the author of this blog.

Again, I have no valid visual for this post. We're learning about Hitler in my history class, so I showed them this clip. It has nothing to do with the lead up of WWII, but sometimes you just have to laugh.