S - I'm Tapping Out

Hi friends. I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing weekend. I have 1 1/2 more weeks of summer school, and then I have a full month of absolutely NO WORK. Unless one counts figuring out what one is to do with the rest of one's life as no work, I suppose.

Prince and I had our second date on Friday. We met at a Mexican restaurant in my hood. I was the first to arrive and patiently played Bedazzled whilst waiting for him. He apologized for his tardiness; he had a crazy day. He had a bevy of information to give me before we settled into the evening. Because we live in the times that we live in today, Prince Googled me after our first date. He asked, "Are you writing a blog about your dating life?" I smiled and said yes. He showed concern. I assured him that I am quite cryptic to personal matters, and the true nature of this blog is to push Paul and myself outside of our comfort zones. I think that set him at ease a bit. We had a lovely, respectable evening and expressed an interest in seeing each other again. My schedule is stupid during the week, so I don't know when our next meeting will be. I'll keep everyone apprised.

On a different note, Paul and I had an interesting conversation about the blog. He feels that my last few posts have been negative. I write how I feel. Some days I'm really hopeful about this process, and other days I want to bury my head in the sand. I'm also beginning to think that this is not the best way to find love. You know the old adage, "Love comes when you stop looking." I have many fiends who have found love whilst looking, so whatever to that. I just don't know if writing about one's love life is the best way to get a man to open up, feel comfortable with being vulnerable, and ultimately fall in love. I told Paul that if he felt I was getting too negative and it was a huge bummer, then I have no problem jumping ship. He was not happy with this assessment. Plus, only 7 people read this blog, so I guess the journey continues.

I am, however, signing off of Match.com. I just can't. Being on the site makes me super depressed and want to hide from everyone. I've stopped communicating with my suitors, and every time my phone notifies me with a wink, or a fave, or a whatever in the hell they're peddling, I get sick to my stomach. It makes me want to move to Austin and build a Bestie Row with my girls: live off the land, use well water, solar panels, and no romantic love. So, Match needs to go. I'm just going to attempt to see Prince again, and if that doesn't happen, that's OK too. I'm in a huge me phase right now. I just want to work on my life.

S - Suitors, Suitors, Everywhere...

People, the Internet is a damp, dark place for anyone, but when it comes to online dating, it is a crevasse of insanity, sadness, and desperation. It is no place for someone who wants to keep a positive outlook on society or the male species. (I am sure the women aren't great either, but this is my blog post so my perspective.)

I went on my first Match.com date on Wednesday. What a doozy. This gentleman knows about the blog, and it's not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings, but we were not a match. I'm sure he'd agree. The date was over within an hour. That's usually not a good sign. He asked a few times what I'd write about him, but I cannot answer such questions. It was not the most pleasant experience for a plethora of reasons. Then I heard that a friend of mine went out with this same man and had a similar experience. Let's just say he is a complainer. He didn't like the restaurant I picked, the air made his eyes itch, and did he mention that he REALLY didn't like the restaurant I picked? On to the next.

I then had a coffee date with an extremely tanned and heavily cologned man. Coffee dates are the worst. They never amount to anything. He was nice enough but a bit of a mansplainer. Not my guy.

At this point I'm super depressed and sad. Internet dating sucks. Everyone is 10-20 years older than I am and seems to want to fit me into some box that they have decided would make a perfect mate. Then I received this:

It was like an omen from the the heavens. I was obviously disappointed that I spent money on this endeavor, but I felt the horoscope gods were telling me to move on. The only problem was that I had already scheduled a date with a gentleman caller that was age appropriate and handsome. I thought, "I'll go out with this one, and then I'm done."

I met Prince (because he is one at this point, and it's fun to say I'm hanging out with Prince) at a local restaurant. He's cute, personable, funny, and most importantly, NORMAL. Our date lasted 3+ hours and probably would have continued if I didn't have work the next day. We're seeing each other again on Friday.

So, let's climb aboard the Love Train once again. Where will this one take us? A make-out? A short relationship with a heartbreak at the end? A fight? Signatures on a dotted line? Only time will tell. 

P- Game On

Well, he's back. He had a date last night. A cute gentleman contacted him on OKCupid, (literally ten minutes after he paid for Match.com) But, he, (I dont' know why I'm doing this third person.... I guess I'll switch back)...was into it.  It went well. Drinks. Dinner. Drinks. Conversation. All good.

Will this new gentleman be the new Mr. Case? Who knows? All I know is that I had a good night with good conversation and I'm totally open to date #2. The nice part is, coming off of this date, I've realized:

1. I've still got it.
2. If I never hear from this guy again, at least I had a good night.
3. If I do hear from him (which I have, and we've made no plans but we've been in conversation) I'm open to see what is next.
4. Everything's coming up.....

It's not all Shelby, you know...

(replace "roses" with "PAUL")

It's not an exciting post, but it's one to tell you, I'm still here, dammit!

S - Seriously Considering Filling My Pockets With Stones and Walking Into the Ocean

Happy post July 4th everyone. I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing holiday. I had a blast. Paul and I threw a little shin-dig. I didn't eat too much, stayed hydrated, and felt fine in the morning. That's a score, in my book. Oh, and apparently it doesn't matter how much you practice cornhole by yourself, when the BBQ tournament comes around, you'll inevitably choke.

But whatever. I have to write about what's happening online. You guys, seriously? If you saw what is out there and how it interacts with me, you would be just as depressed as I am right now. I mean, I have a couple of text flirting boyfriends right now, but the communication is pretty UGH. This one doesn't know the difference between your and you're, the other wants to take me to Palm Springs (We haven't met.), another is just a snooze-fest and doesn't understand witty banter. It's all so... mundane.

I don't want you to worry though, because I'm getting some killer stories. There's the man from some town in California I've never heard of that I accidentally "winked" at (kill me), and now he's UP IN MY GRILL. I believe a direct quote from one the 14 unanswered messages he sent was, "I'll be right here waiting for you, Dear." No Boo.

Then there'e the man who doesn't date performers, which is fine by me, but he then listed all of the reasons why: they're narcissistic, selfish, immature... Manners are not a strong suit in the online game.

There are also no shortage of selfies: at the gym, in a public restroom, in an apartment restroom, in the gym restroom, with a motorcycle... And 75% of them are rotated the wrong way.

It's really sad. This is all becoming quite cumbersome, even after only 4 days. Is it really asking too much to find a decent gentleman, of an appropriate age, with a job, who enjoys live music, Netflix, laughing, and a plethora of other things that would be required? I'm thinking the answer to that is yes.

So, I'm going to go sit in this corner over here and cry myself to sleep while my phone continues to explode with messages from men in their twilight years from Rancho Cucamonga. Funny on paper? Yes. Funny in real life? Not on your life.

Just fill my pockets with stones, and call it a day.

S- Never Say Never Again

Let's get the negative stuff out of the way first. My July job is way more challenging than I thought it would be. I think I've lost 5 lbs. due to the fact that the stress has made me lose my sense of taste. Paul may win this on default alone. I hope to survive the  summer.

Also, Fancy Face has left the building. C'est fini. He gone. He left this fair city of ours to experience new adventures. Hats off, as he'll be missed.

So, for the first time in a long time, I have no suitors. There are rumors of friends who want to set me up, but that's moving at a snail's pace. In order to distract myself from my July gig, I have decided to get back online.

I know! I said I wouldn't do it. But let's be real. a) I need something other than work to deal with at the moment and b) I need something to write about. In order to attempt to shake things up, I have upgraded from the free route (OKCupid, Hinge, Tindr) and have decided to throw my hard earned money into a cesspool of sadness (Match).

It is not pretty out there. There are a lot of men in embellished t-shirts who set their default pic as a selfie in the bathroom mirror. Also, a lot of dudes live in Whittier.

Buckle up, folks. This could get ugly.

I'm obsessed with this saying. My friend Shelagh and I went to The Phantom of the Opera the other day, and when the phantom disappears at the end of the play, an audience member shouted out, "He gone!" I also wanted you to realize that my mention of Fancy Face being gone was not a typo.